In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
