piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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