at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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