What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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