Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
