Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize