he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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