Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
