Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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