"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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