Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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