She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
