I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
