did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
