someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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