just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
