just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
