I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
