Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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