It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
