I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
