I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
