After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize