took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
