shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
