Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
