writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
