I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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