one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
