Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
God, I missed his penis.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
