I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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