yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
