I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
