I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
