Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize