Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
