I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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