I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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