is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
