No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
