College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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