I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
