we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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