wakey wakey hands off snakey
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
