ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
