So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
