well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize