just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
