I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
