You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize