Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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