Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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