Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
