just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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