I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
