conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
