that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Are we still banned from the library?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
