New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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