is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
