I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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