i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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