you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
