Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
