He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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