Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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