Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
