Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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