I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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