i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
