thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize