you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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