Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
