So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
