There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
