so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
