Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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