therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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