So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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