shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
