ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
