what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
