Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
