I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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