Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
