I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize