In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
