Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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